Dozens of real estate one-liners to help get clients in gear. Apartment Broker Recommends Brooklyn Residents Spend No More Than 150% Of Income On Rent https://t.co/6Vd5e68p9T pic.twitter.com/olMBcMPonW, — The Onion (@TheOnion) September 2, 2016, The HOA in my friend’s neighborhood recently threatened her neighbors with a fine if they didn’t hide their trash cans, even though they’ve been in the same spot for over a decade. We provide real estate services. A young Realtor is out door knocking one afternoon and came upon a little girl sitting on a stoop. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”. By. “Hi my name’s Jeff, and I’d love to—”, “Listen here Jeff, I don’t want to hear you yammering, I just want to sell my F%#%#ng house! My CRM costs $70 a month, but you’re priceless. Because you’re just my type. Spending time at home is relaxing, but now, it can also be fun with these house puns, jokes, and one-liners! Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other. Hey big guy, are you an FHA loan because you’ve definitely got my interest. A panda walks into a bar. Because I’m feeling a connection here. What kind of building weighs the least? Philadelphia Real Estate One Liners August 10, 2011. Lando Calrissian. To his horror though, he then discovered that the piece of land he’d sold was completely submerged under water. Have a great real estate joke, pun, or pickup line we missed? In Real Estate. Pressmaster / Shutterstock.com. These funny Thanksgiving puns, jokes, and one-liners will leave everyone laughing around the dinner table. I got one story before I bought it and another afterwards. Get out there and sell him a houseboat.”. June 07, 2015. Closely related to mortgage humor, sort of in that overlapping part of a Venn diagram, is real estate humor. The Close has a policy of fierce editorial independence. If you are looking for funny single liners, you’ve come to the right place. All rights reserved. He asked a realtor if she could help, but the realtor said there was simply no way to do it. The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize. What do great affordable contractors have in common with UFOs? Something like, ‘The Underwriter’.” -Lighter Side of Real Estate. “The customer’s going to come back here pretty mad,” he said to his boss. Let us know in the comments! Some online real estate jokes to help cheer you up while waiting for your escrow to close! They’re not very uplifitng. Got it? Funny Real Estate Quotes. If you think that no-one cares you’re alive, just try missing a couple of mortgage payments. A licensed New York City Real Estate Agent and veteran of the marketing department at Tishman Speyer, Emile has been involved in every aspect of residential real estate from branding new developments to pre-war rentals and resales. A Realtor I know asked me if I read Realtor Magazine. One has formulaic plots, two-dimensional characters, and bad guys trying to close some kind of real estate deal, and the other has a talking dog in it. A lighthouse. That guy says he flips houses in his spare time!”. Needless to say, there is room for more. What does a real estate agent use for birth control? Hey sailor, you like my blazer? “What other companies are after you?” “VISA, Verizon, Con Ed Electric, and National Gas.”. If you want to know exactly where the property line is, just watch the neighbor cut the grass. In fact, you have to give me the souls of all your descendants throughout eternity.”, “Wait a minute,” the Real Estate Agent says cautiously. Funny One Liners: Hand-Picked Collection to Make You Laugh. Essential reading for new and experienced Realtors, this list comes from coaches like Tom Ferry, Kevin Ward, and top producing agents from around the country. You must have a killer Facebook ad strategy because you made quite the impression on me. My truck driver client was such a pain. Well aren’t you special! From puns to one-liners fit for Thanksgiving memes, there's no shortage of Turkey Day-related witticisms that are just too plucking good not to love. Those pamphlets? ” “ Oh really? ” “ Oh really?.. ’ ve come to the right slogans and taglines I read Realtor Magazine National... The Lighter Side of real estate puns '' on Pinterest you for an easement just! And go back to my place to check out the diamond engagement ring sold... And amusement have affiliate partnerships with these companies and make money when feature. Souls of your funny remarks ; that ’ s a used car salesman, a and! S where creative real estate agent did such a good job describing my house in,! I give him his money back? ” “ Oh really funny one liners about real estate ” for... Called, “ hey! ” shouts the bartender, but no you... Brings her out room in your house are zombies most afraid of of a quirky gem, isn... 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